.:Generic Title:.

Financial Turmoil

2009-11-13T20:56:00.000-08:00

It's really hard being a Christian male and dealing with financial turmoil.

1) Being a male and dealing with financial turmoil:

There's something about being independent in every way that a single guy rests on in defining his manhood. We need to be out on our own to prove that we can do it. We need to get a job that pays the bills to prove that we are capable of providing, at least for ourselves. And there's the rebellious side of us (that we don't always want to admit) that says, "-I- did this, look what -I- have done for myself, no one else helped me get here, -I- can do it!"

So when you live paycheck to paycheck, your car runs out of gas, you've finished the last of the Ramen noodles and you go to your friend's apartment to sleep on their couch, it kinda wears hard on the soul.

2) Being a follower of Christ and dealing with financial turmoil:

Something about being down to my last penny, many times, has given me a perspective that adds to my heart for the poor. I cannot possibly claim poverty on the level of the rest of the world. The fact that I -own- a car, I sleep under a roof and have clothes to wear puts me in the minority percentage of the wealthy living on this planet. Having nothing (in relation to where I live) gives me a peek into the hearts and the condition that the poor and broken live day to day.

Its honestly a struggle. Financially, I'm down on my luck and it stresses me out to no ends and seriously can be depressing. As a human being, I think of myself and my condition and how miserable I am and the bleakness of my situation. But then I think about the condition of other people in the States and other people around the world who suffer far greater and far longer than I ever will. Its a test of my faith in God and my ability to trust that He is in control and that He is FAAAR greater than any problem that I may have.

This goes beyond monetary needs. I see it as a test in perseverance and my faith. I need to rely upon God whether I have a surplus of money or none at all, sick or in health, in chains or in freedom. I want to say that I'm glad that I'm going through this tough time, but I honestly cannot say that, because its not fun, its not comfortable and its hard. But I know that perseverance builds character and it builds faith in the One and Almighty God.

Praise God!

I'm in the mood to blog

2009-09-18T23:08:00.000-07:00

A situation happened tonight that has prompted me to pray and think.

Love is hard.

I mean, I'm not married and I haven't really been in a "long-term" relationship, which seems to be enough qualification to some for me to not even speak on the topic.

But love goes beyond boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife. The heart of love is God. I don't want to sound all churchy, but dangit, that's the stinkin truth! We often hear 1 Corinthians 13 recited at wedding ceremonies, and honestly, it goes in one ear and out the other. But if we take a second to really, I mean -REALLY- look at what that book of the Bible is implying, it just isn't a passage about marriage, it's how we are to live with one another. It is HARD!

But would I want love to be easy? Do I want to live life on the surface? Do I want life to be comfortable? Not really. I want to work things out. I want to be real with people and love people through muck and mire. I want reconciliation and restoration.

I know that this blog isn't super theological, but it's 1:30 in the morning and I needed a vent to explain this hard truth that is on my heart that I know I struggle with everyday. How do I love today?

The Whisper

2009-07-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

This is an illustration of an artist named Justin Gerard. To give him the props he deserves, you can contact him and view some of his work at his website.

He posted this illustration some time back on his blog and I instantly was inspired. When I do have the opportunity to write because of a muse, I jump on it. So I instantly wrote the first stanza to the poem below. I was somehow distracted and put the poem to the side for a while.

I came back to it from time to time, but I think I'm just about finished with it. So here is the poem, -nearly- completed.

"The Whisper" by Jamie Vance

The whisper lingered like a mother hushing her child to sleep
It's sweet connotation reveled deep within my heart, pulsing through my mind
It's ubiquitous strength would over power even Poseidon with trident in hand
O! to fully understand the pleasure!
To truly know the warmth of thy hand!

20,000 thoughts beleaguered my mind
When this conundrum bared its rhyme
200 knots had once held me down
>>> <<<

I found within my heart a treasure of beauty
a serendipitous bounty instilled
Created more precious than the rarest of pearls
A light to shine amongst the murk and mire

So I will rise, I will rise from my berth
to sing a song that even a siren could not silence
As fierce as Ahab and as mighty as Nemo
I will not remain silent, no!
For the whisper has spoken beauty,
fathoms within my heart

There is a line missing, as I marked, and another line that I'm not completely pleased with. When I finish it, completely, I would like to send this to Justin. So, I would like honest opinions and constructive criticism before I send it off to him! Let me know what you think!

Snippits of Heaven/Faith in God

2009-07-19T14:53:00.000-07:00

There is something amazing about multi-cultural worship services. Last Sunday we had standing room only at Grace. During worship I stood in the back with a row of Romanian men to my left and right. Leading worship was a group called Trinity, a group of Dutch guys who were raised in Peru. In the congregation there were even more Romanians, Russians, French, Italians, Chinese, Filipinos, Africans, Scots and Irish. At one point the worship leader had the congregation sing a worship song in several of the represented languages, which was amazing!
People were dancing, people were laughing with joy, and not just within their ethic groups, but surrounded by different ethnicities and cultures. It truly was one of those moments when you have a foretaste of heaven. After the service, we had a barbeque at the church, which everyone participated in.

Saturday night I was told that I would be teaching the teenage Sunday school class. I was sort of taken by surprise because it was late on Saturday night and I didn’t have anything prepared, much less I didn’t even know the students. So what was I going to say? I prayed about it and decided that I wanted the students to get to know me before some American they didn’t know came in to start teaching them about God. So I decided to tell them my story, my testimony. There were about six teenagers in there, all of but maybe one being “luke-warm” or non-believers altogether.

I actually had a decent response from the students, perhaps because they could relate with me. I even managed to speak for half an hour without boring them! However, I can’t say this Sunday went as well as last. In fact, I was a bit discouraged and slightly embarrassed this Sunday. I prayed about what I was going to speak about and decided to teach on Luke 15, which is the Parable of Lost Sheep, Parable of the Lost Coin and the Parable of the Lost Son. I recently read a book by Tim Keller called “The Prodigal God” that broke down the Prodigal Son and brought to light an aspect of the story that isn’t preached often. I then heard a sermon by Matt Chandler that spoke on the same topic. So I was quite stoked about the Parable and decided to speak on it and ask the students some questions.

Despite my animated reading of Luke 15 (because no one wanted to help me read aloud), it came off boring to the students. And when I was teaching on the scripture, only half of the students were paying attention and one had popped in an ear-bud on one side of his head to listen to his mp3 player. Then, when I asked them the questions, absolutely no one wanted to answer even after I picked someone out specifically to give the question a go. Because of the lack of participation, I was finished 15 minutes early and there was silence. Even when I tried asking them about their week, no one spoke. So it was silent.

I really have a heart for these students and so it’s difficult to see them not even seeking God. I also think that I’ve realized that there just isn’t much that I can do in the lives of these students when I’m only here for such a short period of time. When there isn’t already a preexisting relationship or a desire from the students to seek God, two months is nothing. If I were here for a year, it would be a totally different story. However, I’m not giving up. I’m planning a game/movie night for the students where we will have pizza and just hang out. I mentioned it to them and they fairly interested.

Good news. It’s really interesting how this trip has become something quite different than what I expected (which is my next blog ;p). I knew that I was coming into this trip to have a Bible study with some of the Romanian guys I’ve mentioned before (Daniel, John and Dragosh). But what it has turned into is a one on one with Daniel, which has been really great. Daniel and I have had two Bible studies together, going through Paul’s letters. On top of that we’ve prayed for each other and encouraged each other. Specifically what I did not expect would happen is the opportunity I’ve had to coach Daniel in leadership and developing a small group of 20-somethings. Daniel has expressed his desire to have community with other people his age and grow closer to God with a Jesus family.

It’s funny how word travels around the church, but I’ve been approached a couple times by people within the church encouraging my efforts to develop the 20-something small group. People are excited, which is amazing. The church is really behind the growth and leadership of their brothers and sisters.
I think I’ll stop for now and write some more tomorrow.

In the Name of Love

2009-07-11T05:02:00.000-07:00

A group of foreigners have come to live in the village, barely able to speak our language, but they offer to teach us English as they in turn learn our language. After we barely start to understand English, they offer us a book called the Bible. They teach us that God, sometimes they call Him 'Yahweh', is the creator of the universe and everything that we see. They explain that He sent His only begotten son to die for us, to take upon all of our evils in return for our redemption and purity, so that one day we may live with Him and His Father in paradise.
Some of the villagers are beginning to believe and some of us even witness miracles or have witnessed miracles before they came, but didn't understand truly what the miracles meant until now. I believe. But I don't fully understand. There are words that I don't understand and there are cultural references that are not relevant to ours. But we continue to learn, as do the foreigners.
We are beginning to be able to read the Bible!
The foreigners have learned our language well enough that they have created a written alphabet for our language and we are learning to read our OWN language! One elderly woman in the village who always had a frown on her face came rushing out of the schoolhouse with a face of ecstasy screaming, "I can read and write my OWN NAME! My OWN NAME!" No one had ever seen her like that. She has something to claim as her own that no one can take away!
A year has passed and I know Jesus better, but so many things are still difficult to understand because of the cultural barrier.
We just found out that our foreign brothers and sisters have translated Matthew, Mark, Luke and John into our own language! We understand now! We understand the holiness of Jesus Christ and that He was both man and God! We understand that because He loved us so much, that He died for each and every one of us! We understand what it means to love our neighbor and why we should love our neighbor, although that is definitely a hard command to follow sometimes!
Our foreign brothers and sisters are continually teaching us as we are teaching them. Oh how God can work in mysterious ways!

The Groves family is a family that visited our church here in Dublin that gave testimony of their mission work in Cameroon. I spoke to their two teenage boys during lunch and learned a lot about what they are doing. I met them about 2 1/2 weeks ago, but I was just reflecting on the significance of their missionary work. They have brought the word of God to a people who had previously never heard of Yahweh and didn't even have a written language! But now, the people they brought the Gospel to can understand the teachings of Christ in a way that is relevant to them! Lives have been changed for God! Dang, thats amazing!

Romanians

2009-06-29T14:10:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday I met Daniel at Grace’s Bible trivia quiz fundraiser (proceeds went to missionaries in Cameroon by the way). Daniel is a 24 years old Romanian who came to Dublin in search for a job. I was really encouraged when I met him because; at least from my conversation with him, he seems to be a really solid believer. He shared with me his convictions about church and community and how they go hand in hand with each other. He seemed a little frustrated with the fact that it has proven difficult for him to get together a group of people around his age to hang out.

He explained to me the importance of having Christian community and also opening doors for non-believers to come into that community (or bringing that community to the non-believers). All these things, of course I completely agree with. The way Daniel was talking, he would fit into Harpeth very well. We didn’t have much time to talk because it was super late and he had to escort Diana, a pregnant Romanian woman (who invited me to their home for dinner some time!), to her house. However, in the time we did talk, Daniel and I brainstormed some different ideas for getting people together for fellowship. I encouraged him to keep it up and not to let down his efforts and that he should continue to offer up his own efforts to God in prayer. He seemed to be encouraged by this.

A group of Romanians, including Daniel, took me to have my first lamb kebab in Dublin after church on Sunday. It was completely delicious and they paid for it, only after I politely turned their offer down and then Daniel said it would be offensive to their culture if they did not pay for a guest. They all quickly laughed after it was paid for and told me that they were joking, but it was already done. I got to know them pretty well, which was a fantastic experience. After we finished lunch, Diana, the pregnant Romanian lady, invited me to come over to their house this Saturday to have a real Romanian meal with them. How could I say no?! However, I did have to cancel my plans to see Josh Ritter and Lisa Hannigan in Cork because it would have interfered, but I know I made the right choice (plus Lisa Hannigan is playing other shows in Ireland I’ll try to make!)

I’m excited for Daniel and his maturing leadership at Grace. I’m glad I get to be apart of his growth and see where God will take him.

Tomorrow (Tuesday) I am taking the train to Galway to see the Cliffs of Moher! I’m excited! It’s a 3 ½ hour ride, but the scenery is going to be brilliant! I’ll post more pictures when I get back!

First Post From Ireland

2009-06-20T01:16:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday morning and I think I've finally gotten over jet-lag. Jet-lag is a strange phenomena, by the way, you get super tired at weird times of the day. Anyway, I've been in Ireland for two full days now, working on my third. It has actually been pretty chill so far, not a whole lot going on. I did, however, go outside of Dublin, slightly into the country, to a little farmhouse owned by one of the elders of Grace Bible Fellowship, his name is George and he kind of reminds me of the farmer from the movie "Babe". Very very wise and discerning man (he's about 70 or so). Pastor Pat, his wife Loretta and I went out there to meet with George, a Canadian missionary family and couple from Cameroon who translate Bibles. While the adults talked business, I opted to go with George's wife and the kids (Caleb 18, Sam 15 and their sister who's name I forgot 10) on a tour of their ancient farm. A couple of the buildings were built in the 1600's! I had a solid 3 hours to get to know the boys and they're great! Both want to continue in missionary work and obviously have a passion for the people of Cameroon.

I was talking to Pat yesterday about doing something like we do at Harpeth with the ATG kids on Sunday evenings; go to a park, bring some drinks and snacks and play games. Its not going to be that easy. I was hit with the harsh reality of a travesty in Irish culture when I heard on Irish news of a 2,500 page report that came out recently of child abuse within the Catholic church. Pat was telling me that Irish people are already a suspicious people but this report has only strengthened the distrust they have, not only for religious organizations, but for people in general. So I definitely can't just waltz into a park and offer sodas to kids and play futbol, which isn't how we did it at Harpeth, we had a preexisting contact with the community in Natchez. I'll have a better idea on Sunday of how many students attend the church and then I'll go from there.

Emerald on my Heart

2009-05-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

The only way I can explain it is that God has placed it on my heart.

My first exposure to everything Irish is U2. Not a bad first impression, huh? In a previous blog I wrote about my experience as a 6 year old, hearing Joshua Tree for the first time. I believe my mom and dad had a lot of influence as well on my desire to visit Ireland. We watched a lot of BBC programs as I grew up. Are you being Served? Keeping Up Appearances (which are British shows) Hamish MacBeth and movies like the Disney film Darby O'Gill and the Little People is definitely a family classic. These shows primarily influenced my interest in the beauty of Ireland's country.

But besides all of that, I can remember when I was about 10 years old, asking myself what happened to Christianity in Europe? Europe was the center of the Reformation after the atrocities of the Inquisitions and Crusades. Europe was flourishing with theologians and great preachers, but then fell away from Christ. What happened? Then, throughout grade school, I always heard about missionaries going to China, Africa and Mexico. This saddened me because I thought, "Who is loving Europe, who is loving Ireland? Where are the missionaries there?" I remember my old church sending a group of college students to Scotland to help build a church and do local evangelism. I overheard someone saying something sarcastically around the lines of, "Sounds more like a vacation to me," I wanted to punch the person in the face!

I think people have really missed what a mission trip is all about. Granted, there are many different things people do on mission trips; medical support, construction, personnel support, ministry assistance and straight up loving on people. But I think the root of mission work comes from the Great Commission.
Matthew 28:19 says, "Therefor go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age."
We are to go out and make disciples wherever we go, whether in our backyard or across the globe.

I really REALLY do not want to sound like I am knocking mission work in third world countries like China and Africa, if the opportunity arises, I would LOVE to go to Africa and China to do mission work. I just think that because of the poverty levels in these countries, there is greater awareness for the need of missionaries or social workers to go and give relief to these countries.

Ireland's population is 90 percent Roman Catholic, around 70 percent of which attend mass on somewhat of a regular basis. Evangelistic churches only consist of about 1.9 of the population in Ireland. Of the 70 percent of Roman Catholics there, only a fraction of that are actually committed Christians. There is a great need for revival within the Christian church in Ireland and a great need for missionaries to come and proclaim the Good News. This is where I come in. I believe that God has placed in me a desire for Ireland long ago that has built up to this point, to this opportunity that I have to go to Dublin and assist Pastor Pat in his ministry there.

I am praying for missionaries. I am praying for the three lovely ladies from church that will be going to Africa in the following 6 months. I pray that God will give them the opportunity to show Christ's love.

He must become Greater!

2009-04-13T14:16:00.001-07:00

It's so crazy how we can get caught up in life. How we can have so many things planned on our schedules and so many things that we let consume our thoughts. Life seems to mesh together in a solid mass, weighing heavily on ours shoulders until we are burdened and sometimes fail to function where we really need to. I seem to have been caught up in that, busy life in addition to unfortunate circumstances and then all the while trying to plan fund raisers so I can go to Ireland in just a couple months.

I've missed a few days of my daily reading of the New Testament and made the time to do it today. It's really amazing, the power of the Word, how, just by reading it and praying, that I am uplifted and ready to take on the rest of the day! Today, I read John 1-3. Of course John 3 is a super amazing chapter as a whole, but the verse that really stood out to me was John 3:30, "He must become greater and I must become less." In context, John the Baptist is settling a dispute between some of his disciples and a Jew. He is saying that the Messiah, the Holy One has come and that his ministry in completed and Jesus' is just beginning.

John's joy is in fulfilling God's will for his life. He raises the question for all who would be disciples of Jesus, where do we find our joy? It is easy to get distracted by the blessings of this life and by the burdens. But our joy's deepest foundation is God in himself. That is what it believe that John is saying in verse 30.
I want to become less and allow Jesus to become greater in my life.

U2

2009-03-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post this for while, so here it is!

U2 has had a much larger impact in my life than just being one of the best rock bands ever. I will venture to say that most people do not begin to independently listen to music until 9 to 12 years of age. I bought my first CD when I was 11 in 1994, the Blue Album by Weezer, I even bought it when it first came out. I am truly glad that my mom listened to such a variety of music because it really has influenced my broad taste in music. Instead of being biased to a particular genre of music, I appreciate music for skill, emotional value and talent. I can distinctly remember listening to Joshua Tree by U2 when was about 6 years old. I remember laughing at the name of the band and then laughing even harder when my mom told me that the lead singer's name is Bono.

I can confidently say that Joshua Tree is the number one album that has had the most influence on my life. During the summer before my freshman year of highschool, 1998 I believe, my d-group leader Matt drove our d-group in his jeep down to the Chattanooga area where we were meeting a few other students and a family at their cabin sitting on banks of the Ocoee River. It was in the beginning of the summer and the weather was beautiful. With the windows down and Joshua Tree blasting from the speakers, I experienced the beauty of God in a whole new way. God's ubiquitous influence pervaded my senses.

As the pleasant warmth of the sun brushed my face, I closed my eyes and let the wind blast my unkept hair wildly. I smiled with an overwhelming joy, filled with life, as nature, as God created it, sought every sensory nerve in my body. When I thought nothing else could be more perfect than that moment, nothing more joyous than that never ending second of time, the rhythmic strumming of the Edge invaded and overwhelmed the pounding beat of the wind on my eardrums. As the strumming continued to consume the rhythm of my body, the desperate and yearning voice of Bono sang:

I wanna run, I want to hide
I wanna tear down the walls
That hold me inside.
I wanna reach out
And touch the flame
Where the streets have no name.

That summer was pivotal in my life as I sought to find myself. I grew to know God on a deeper level and appreciated music all the more than I ever had before.

Full and about to burst

2009-02-23T13:59:00.000-08:00

How does one accurately blog the blessings of God? It’s difficult enough to describe in spoken form the awesomeness of God much less doing it in written form. The excitement that proceeded this weekend seemed to, at times, overwhelm me. Just six months ago I was asking God about the significance of my ministry and service at Harpeth, more so along the lines that there are so many amazing lay-leaders and full-time leaders within the ranks of the youth ministry, that, would my gifts, abilities and desire to serve youth better be used elsewhere?

But proceeding this weekend, I was totally stoked and burning with love and excitement, not only for the opportunity to strengthen the relationships and vision of our leaders, but also for Keith’s ministry and his leaders. It honestly felt surreal that I was able to impart knowledge and model a leadership group saturated with a culture based on the love of Christ.
Having the privilege to meet other youth volunteers with the same passion was simply amazing.

Sunday night was the most beautiful way to conclude this weekend. Although ex-haus-ted, it was amazing to see multiple youth groups come together to worship and pray with one another. I think the last little ounce of hesitation to intentionally reach out to students has completely gone away. It wasn’t like I didn’t desire to, it was just an insecurity thing. But last night, I took the Lakeshore students to the side and prayed with them. I laughed with them, prayed with them and connected with them. They aren’t “my” students, but they are God’s beloved children and they are AWESOME! I’m super excited for their new building and new opportunity to reach out to a new community!

I had the opportunity at lunch today to hang with my cousin. I was catching up with her, as we haven’t talked for a while, but I was glowing, full and about to burst, so I told her about this weekend. She was totally stoked about it and began to tell me about the church she recently started going to. It’s a recent church plant in Spring Hill that doesn’t have a youth ministry yet. She told me that she’s connected with the few girls that do go to the church and she –loves- them. I was blessed with the opportunity to encourage her in her ministry to those girls. We talked about small groups, bible studies and discipleship groups. I specifically talked to her about what d-groups looked like at Harpeth and she was stoked about it. I was dumb though, because I didn’t pray with her about it, but I did tell her to pray about it.
It’s like I’ve had an extension from this weekend, another opportunity to tell others with the same passion about what d-groups/small groups look like.

I have a stronger respect and love for my Jesus family. JP, Mel, Ben and Alicia all strengthened my desire to continue youth ministry. I wasn’t going to quit ;p But, sharing the common passion to serve and to love others unconditionally and intentionally has encouraged me greatly and also to seek out and know God more and more and more.

When I go hang with my buddy Paul tonight, I’m totally going to tell him about this weekend!

Give Me New Eyes

2009-02-04T17:06:00.000-08:00

I want to post this, because it is fresh and foaming on my mind.

This morning when I came into work, a fellow coworker came in and had not seen me since I had gotten my hair cut. She told me she really liked it. The boss' wife stepped into our conversation as I said, "Yeah, its fun, because it's cut to have a mohawk down the back if I wanted to spike it up." My boss' wife then commented, "Jamie, no church is going to hire you as their youth pastor if you have a mohawk." In reaction, first, I had to breathe slowly. Next, I prayed to God that I would not blow up at her ignorance and that I would be given the wisdom as to how to react to her comment.

First, it is important to have a little profile of my boss' wife to understand the situation a little bit better. My boss and his wife both have come from well-off Green Hills families. They aren't wealthy enough to be Bellmeade wealthy and she complains about what she has. They both come from Church of Christ backgrounds. She dislikes northerners and has made several prejudiced comments about African Americans, Mexicans and homosexuals. She says she believes in Jesus as Christ and has given me money to go on the Juarez mission trip and gave me some money to buy the last car I had.

So, next thing I asked her was, "What kind of people do you think would best minister to punks on the streets of Boston or bikers in the bars out west? What type of person might best minister to a person covered in tattoos and piercings?" She kind of stared at me blankly and then I said, "People who have been there, people who have had similar backgrounds, people with tattoos and piercings." I then told her about an old classmate of mine at Johnson Bible College who was an ex-biker gang member and had tattoos up and down his arm, one tattoo being a scantly clad woman, but he was in my Old Testament Poetry class. I told her that he had been a pastor of a church for the last 5 or 6 years to people with similar backgrounds as he. She then made the comment, "They let people like him into Johnson?" At that moment, I sighed and felt sad. Sad that she had a limited picture of God and who God can use. Sad that her picture of Christianity sat in the pews of wealthy Green Hills and in the Bible Belt.

God, you are truly amazing and are limitless. Lord, I pray that I do not get in the way of your will. I pray that I do not limit your glorious plan to use me for your will. I screw up time after time, but Lord, the desire of my heart is to see the world through your eyes and to give you the glory and honor you justly deserve. I pray that everyday that you amaze me more and more. I pray that you show me ways to serve others better and that you send me out of my comfort zone. God, I pray that you break my boss wife's heart for the needy, for the homeless and for the poor in heart. I pray that you give her new eyes, your eyes, to see the world and to see your beauty. Amen

Sleeping Bags

2009-01-05T13:36:00.000-08:00

Its no surprise if you look in my car that you’ll see the devastation of a tornado; a smorgasbord of miscellaneous items jumbled about. But one thing that I intentionally keep in my car, usually in the trunk, is a sleeping bag. I’m not paranoid of being stranded in a blizzard nor do I make random camping trips in my car. The origin of keeping a sleeping bag in my car goes seven years back to when I was a rebellious 18 year old hitting up the clubs on 2nd Ave.
During the winter of my freshman year of college, I weekly visited a now closed club on 2nd Ave. It was on a particularly freezing morning, 2 am to be precise, that I was making my way back to my minivan after having busted a few sweet moves on the dance floor that I encountered a homeless gentleman. I was walking by, nodded to him, half ignoring him, not wanting to be asked for money, when he asked me for a cigarette. I told him that I didn’t smoke and that I was sorry.

As I walked away, he started mumbling and cussing at me. As I continued walking to my van, I felt sorry for him and felt a strange compassion for the man, something that was new to me. As I approached my van, my eyes ran across a rolled up sleeping bag in the back of my van. I turned around and shouted to the homeless man. “Hey, I don’t have any cigarettes, but do you want a sleeping bag?” He about-faced with a broad grin, “Heck yeah!” he exclaimed. He came over to me and I handed him the sleeping bag. He extended his hand to me and I shook it, saying to him, “Take care, man.” He turned and walked away.

I realized at that moment that all that I was involved in that was rebellious against God was not a fulfilling life, but a deteriorating one that took me further and further away from God. I sometimes think of that homeless man as my champion angel, restoring my desire for God and His will. I remembered from childhood Matthew 25:35-40.

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.’”

As of recent, I have been having dreams about the homeless. I dream of handing something to homeless men and them smiling at me. In every dream it reoccurs that I hand them something, never really seeing what it was that I was giving to them that was making them smile. Just after Christmas, I finally realized what it was that I was giving them. I had a dream a couple days after Christmas and found myself handing the homeless man a watch. I realized then, that what I was giving them was time, not something tangible, except for myself.

These dreams I have been having have provoked a desire to follow up on them in some way. Ever since I gave away that sleeping bag to the homeless man, I have kept a sleeping bag in my car trunk. Since then I have only given away another one, but I always keep one if the need ever rises for it. I have been thinking about how I can use these experiences to help the homeless in a bigger way. I researched ministries around Nashville and have found a couple that except sleeping bags so that they can give them out. There is a ministry called The Bridge that serves the homeless underneath the Jefferson Street bridge that feeds, clothes and provides the gospel and worship to the homeless there.

But how can I follow up on this calling, this desire to reach out to the homeless downtown? I’m praying for direction and understanding of all of this and how I might obey God’s will.

A Great Banquet

2008-12-27T22:51:00.000-08:00

I wasn't really sure what to expect when my mom told me that for Christmas dinner she would be inviting a few of her friends to dinner. I thought "Cool, the more the merrier!"
I had not yet been to her new place and didn't know what to expect, but when my grandparents and I pulled into this urban community in Downtown Lexington, my mind traveled to images of Shane Claiborne's Potter Street community. The homes were once nice, but were neglected, not all; some where lived in by people who could afford remodeling their homes. As I later found out, the street inhabitants were from all different socio-economical/ethnic backgrounds. One man was a prominent attorney, another was a police-man, one was an unemployed recovering alcoholic and another was a family who had no money because the mother and father both had recently lost their jobs. But directly in the middle of this community was a community center of sorts. An arts and crafts center for children, an area museum of art and multi-purpose play place for the community's kids. On top of that, several homeless men lived at the community center from time to time.
So after I had hugged my mom and we had our Christmas celebration during the day, I asked my mom who was coming to dinner. She told me that three men were going to come. One had been homeless for 40 years, one was a recovering alcoholic and previously homeless man who worked at a local homeless ministry and another man who worked for the homeless ministry who had a background in drugs and alcoholism as well as being homeless. I wont lie and say I wasn't concerned, because I was. But I knew that it was right and I knew that it would be interesting.
After having feasted on delicious ham and green beans with these guys, getting to know them, singing Christmas songs around my grandma playing the piano with them and sharing stories about life, my concerns had fled and a natural feeling of community surrounded our party. What we were experiencing was real, real life, real kingdom living, real family. I thought back to Shane's stories of his community and his family and then back to my Jesus family back home. I can't help but long for this way of living for the rest of my life and for the life we will live together for eternity with Jesus.

Luke 14:12-14
"Then Jesus said to his host, 'When you give a luncheon or dinner, do not invite your friends, your brothers or relatives, or your rich neighbors; if you do, they might invite you back so you will be repaid. But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind, and you will be blessed. Although they cannot repay you, you will be repaid at the resurrection of the righteous.'"

Amazed

2008-12-11T21:29:00.000-08:00

For the sake of me going to bed, I'll be as short as possible.
I can't help but note the awesomeness of God.
The little snowflakes that danced this evening through the night sky, the rhythm of the thundering claps in the storm a night previous and the presence He has made clear while I have been sick in bed the last couple of days has moved me.
His light will shine when all else fails. He is in absolute control and I have nothing to worry about.

Psalm 23
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,

he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.

In the quiet and in the stillness, I know You are God.

Shameless music plug: New Jon Foreman and Sean Watkins project! I've heard and downloaded the

one song they have out from the album and its fantastic! Check it out, check check it out!

dei gratia

He moves in mysterious ways!

2008-10-04T18:58:00.000-07:00

September couldn't have been any more obvious of spiritual warfare going on in my life. While I have been stressing about the 30 hours of homework I have been doing per week on top of my full time job and other commitments, I also have neglected my finances and have to pay the price. All the while, I feel like my commitment to my relationship with God has strengthened through spiritual disciplines AND my relationship with Him has grown.
This morning I woke up feeling God tugging at me. I wasn't sure what He was saying at first, but I felt compelled to check my bank account. I did and realized I had made some mistakes and that the devilish overdraft charges kicked me Chuck Norris style right in the gut. I felt so dumb and so ashamed that I made such an error and that I had neglected my finances and knew that the mistake was an immature one.
Throughout the day at work I drilled my mind as what -I- was going to do about it and how -I- was going to make it financially through the rest of the month. I prayed about it and even closed myself in a restroom with the lights off so that I could listen to God. While I was on my way home, I remembered that I have a huge cup filled with change and guesstimated how much I had. I then remembered that I could go to Kroger and use this crafty machine to change my coins into dollars, neat miracle, huh?
JP called me up and invited me to go get something to eat. When he picked me up I told him my situation and had a ziplock filled with coins. "Gotta go to Kroger first." All that was on my mind was how much I was going to be able to get out of this bag. We hopped on over to Kroger, only to find out that the machine was out of service! Ugh! I couldn't believe it! Immediately I felt a pang of righteous justice working on my heart. There had to be a reason why that machine was broken. I thought to myself. DUH! This money thing is getting to you and is dictating your faith in God!
We walked out to his car and this deaf-mute woman was standing there, handing a pen and pencil with a note attached to it to both of us:

"HELLO! I am a Deaf Mute Selling this article. Price $2.00. THANK YOU"

We both looked at each other and then I looked down to this ziplock bag FILLED with coins in my hand. JP looked into his wallet and only had large bills and looked at me, "This has got to be for you bro." "I know," I said as I started pulling $4.00 in quarters out of my bag. She said thank you as beautifully as she could with a smile on her face. I couldn't help but hug her, knowing that she just blessed me more than she could imagine.
It's CRAZY how God will use the most unlikely to bless, to love and to do His will. My heart was broken by God and I knew and I know that God will take care of my finances.

God is bigger than the air I breathe
The world we'll leave
God will save the day and all will say
My glorious!

"Shane's a hippy"

2008-09-29T19:38:00.000-07:00

So I just deleted four paragraphs and feel bummed because I am totally blank on anything to write. One would think that I should have quite a bit to write about having just heard Shane Claiborne speak. However, I do want to write ... something. Wait...there it is, something just came to me ;p One of the college students from church made a comment on Shane. "So...what is so radical and controversial about Shane? Everything he said was right on and followed the truth in the Word." I told her that I am just as perplexed as she is.
I said that Shane is convicting, that is why he is so radical and controversial. People do not want to hear what is uncomfortable and different (it also doesn't help that people put certain stereotypes with people who have dreadlocks and wear bandannas on their heads).
I have a confession to make. I deal with frustration and anger when people jump to conclusions and are hard-headed (in relation to Shane Claiborne ... and other times. Okay I said it! Gosh!). I think it is sad when people are so unwilling to be open to teaching. The bible says in Proverbs 12:15, "The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice." Proverbs 19:20 says, "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise." It is so hard to listen to advice or teaching, especially when one is prideful, but it is especially hard when this advice or teaching conflicts with our comfort and our interests. I know this, I have experienced it personally. But what is the price of being willingly ignorant to the truth? "I don't want to accept this because I don't like it." Is it worth one's salvation?
Once again I am challenged and inspired by Shane. I want my hands to be dirty and my feet to be sore. God send me!

Grace works

2008-08-11T19:48:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had the opportunity to serve at a local ministry called Grace Works. All though I only was there for an hour I witnessed grace's amazing hands. I walked into a warehouse filled with food, food and more food (plus a mega-sized industrial fan). All sorts of people (a boy scout troop, married couples, pregnant ladies and singles) worked together, not knowing each other, with smiles brimming across their faces, for a common cause.
We sorted bags and bags of food so that it can be distributed to needing families. As I stood there sorting a huge canvas cart filled with cereal, glancing at the excited faces of my fellow hard workers, I thought about how EASY it -should- be for us or for the church, -THE- Church, the body of Christ, to do this all the time. I was told that a particular local mega-church had a huge food drive and donated all of it to Grace Works; and that was all the food that we were sorting and packaging. I was also told that this large of a donation only happens a couple times a year. Instead of feeling more pleased with the huge donation, I wondered what could happen if all the churches in the community donated throughout the year. There would be no starving families in our community, or our neighboring communities!
For $25 I could buy a couple bags of groceries for a needing family! The value of grace far outweighs the price of materialism. Grace -does- work and it manifested itself in the hearts of our community.

Pinata Blessing

2008-07-17T20:03:00.000-07:00

My co-workers decided that they wanted to send me off properly to Mexico. They all know how stoked I am about going and how much I love being with the students, so they invited me to go eat Mexican with them tonight. It's always interesting being around my co-workers because they never can get along with each other except during 'outings'. I do my best to intentionally love them although they often give me a hard time about my faith or even about guys that come into the store and hit on me...ugh.

So, we all pile into this quaint Mexican restaurant. While we are stampeding into our seats, the store owner's wife pops a sombrero on my head, drapes a sash of sorts over my shoulder and shoves maracas into my hands and snaps a quick shot of my goofiness. Of coarse this immediately attracts the attention of the 12 other people in our party and the staff of the restaurant causing a thunder of laughter. We all settle down and the store owner's wife tells me to reach into this donkey pinata she handed me. I reluctantly reach in with everyone watching me, knowing that she likes to pull pranks, and wrestle a small envelope out of the back side of the donkey pinata.

A swell of emotions build up before I even open the envelope, realizing what they have done. I open it to find a large amount of 20 dollar bills. For the last month I have been excitedly talking about the mission trip to mexico and the amazing opportunity it is for the students. But to my utter surprise and joy, they all pitched in and covered the cost of the trip!

I am continually amazed by God and how He provides, especially in ways so unexpected such as tonight!

The Great Outdoors

2008-06-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

My favorite time to go jogging ('j' is pronounced with a 'y') is at dusk. The sun is setting, bathing the horizon, birds are flying in perfect unison and fireflies are blazing their mighty light.

One evening I decided to jog around my favorite pond (not that I jog around many ponds in the first place). I stretched my muscles and re-tightened my shoe laces and off I went. There is something about nature that facilitates open and honest conversations with God. As I rounded the pond the first time, I began conversing with Yahweh. In the beauty of nature around me and the awesome presence of the Holy Spirit overwhelming me, I asked God in both question and exclamation, "Father...how great are you!" I rounded the pond again. As I breathed in rhythm and felt the air against my face, I became much more aware of the oxygen I inhaled and the gazillion atoms flowing around me. My pace seemed to slow down, yet I remained in step with my last couple of laps. The trees around me seemed more alive and appeared to grow with every step I took. How small and insignificant I felt! I peered towards the pond as a flock of geese squawked their way in slow motion to a effortless and graceful water landing. "Lord, your greatness is unfathomable yet you love me so much!" I rounded the pond once more and leaned against my car feeling both physically and spiritually refreshed, having gleaned refreshing knowledge of Abba Father, Yahweh.